Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing this letter to you
as a means of introducing myself. My name is Darius Foo, and I am a year 1 Robotic
Systems student in your critical thinking and communicating class.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2019 with a diploma
in mechatronics, majoring in robotics. My interest in robotic systems engineering
came from many experiences such as my 7-month long internship at a local
robotics start-up, during which I gained valuable knowledge and experience which
added to my curiosity and interest in robotics. Whilst I was studying in
secondary school, I was in the robotics club for my CCA.
I would describe myself as an extroverted-introvert, I enjoy
the company of others and engaging in conversations, but I do value my own
solitude. I need to warm up to new people and situations before I am truly
comfortable enough to let loose and be myself. When I am required to speak in
front of a group of close friends, it is an easy feat as I can just think off
the fly of what I have to say. However, when it comes to speaking to strangers
or acquaintances in a group setting, that is where I struggle. Presentations are one such example, I often
struggle to enunciate my sentences properly and refer to my slides often, and
it being graded most of the time does not help.
I hope that by the end of this module, I would be able to
present clearly and accurately, and be able to write flawless letters or emails.
These two skills are important for me as I would like to take up leadership
roles in my career as it usually means I have more freedom and a higher salary.
Best Regards,
Darius Foo
Revised 230922:
Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing this letter to you as a means of introducing myself. My name is Darius Foo, and I am a year 1 robotic systems student in your critical thinking and communicating class.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2019 with a diploma in mechatronics, majoring in robotics. My interest in robotic systems engineering came from many experiences, such as my 7-month long internship at a local robotics start-up during which I gained valuable knowledge and experience. This contributed to my curiosity and interest in robotics. Whilst I was studying in secondary school, I was in the robotics club for my CCA.
I would describe myself as an extroverted-introvert, I enjoy the company of others and engaging in conversations but I do value my own solitude. I need to warm up to new people and situations before I am truly comfortable enough to let loose and be myself. When I am required to speak in front of a group of close friends, it is an easy feat as I can just think off the fly of what I have to say. However, when it comes to speaking to strangers or acquaintances in a group setting, that is where I struggle. Presentations are one such example, I often struggle to enunciate my sentences properly and refer to my slides often and it being graded most of the time does not help.
I hope that by the end of this module, I would be able to present clearly and accurately, and be able to write flawless letters or emails. These two skills are important for me as I would like to take up leadership roles in my career as it usually means I have more freedom and a higher salary.
Best regards,
Darius Foo
Self-intro read: Caleb, Jia Ming and Akash
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis letter is engaging and enjoyable to read, with a bit of humour at the end. In this letter, you shared your relevant work experience, which explains why you are interested in robotics. In your letter, you also mention your weakness which you hope to improve through this module, which covers all the content you need to write.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are some grammatical mistakes in your letter. For example:
In your first paragraph, Robotic Systems should be in small letters as it is not an official name of the program.
In your second paragraph, "My interest in robotic systems engineering came from many experiences such as my 7-month long internship at a local robotics start-up, during which I gained valuable knowledge and experience which added to my curiosity and interest in robotics.". This sentence is run on sentence, you can add a comma before the "such as" and "which added".
Hey Darius I appreciate the humor in your letter. Although there were some errors I enjoyed reading this and I look forward to see you in our classes.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe letter was very detailed and concise, makes it easier for the reader to understand about you clearly.
ReplyDeleteDear Darius,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and fairly well substantiated letter. I appreciate the well focused content that is aligned with the assignment brief, the clear organization and the generally flawless language use. You've done a decent job providing supports for each specific topic area, allowing us readers to gain a better understanding of who you are.
From the discussion in oyur concluding statement as well as your demeanour in class, it's easy to see that you have some potential for further developing leadership skills in our module. I invite you to do that. In terms of challenges, it's clear you can be motivated to work more on your speaking skills, refining your enunciation and ability to articulate ideas and not being dependent on slides while in the presentation portion of our module.
As further developing your writing skills is undoubtedly one of your goals as well, please allow me to point out a couple language issues:
1. sentence structure
-- I would describe myself as an extroverted-introvert, I enjoy the company of others and engaging in conversations, but I do value my own solitude. > (comma splice) ?
-- Presentations are one such example, I often struggle to enunciate my sentences properly and refer to my slides often, and it being graded most of the time does not help. > (comma splice) ?
2. overuse of caps
-- a year 1 Robotic Systems student > ?
-- Best Regards, > Best regards,
Let's work on these points. I look forward to your continued effort throughout the term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you for the feedback Professor Brad, I have taken them into consideration and revised my self-introduction. I will be mindful of the errors you have pointed out in the future as well.
Delete